8 Years.

Chloe had her Grade 2 sleepover at school last night. She had an absolute ball, but it is so nice to have her asleep in her own bed and under our roof again tonight! She is turning 8 in 2 weeks, and it blows my mind that it has been so long since I held her in my arms for the first time.

She has always been an easy child. Even her pregnancy was a walk in the park., though her birth wasn’t such a breeze. I knew that first labours and deliveries tended to be a harder and longer process than consequent births. But nothing could have prepared me. My due date came and went, and at 7 days overdue, my midwife did a stretch and sweep. 2 days later, I had a show and contractions started at 7pm on the 13^th of November, 2006. Bill stayed up with me for a few hours, stopwatch, pen and paper in hand, writing down the contraction counts. Little did we know how long of a journey we had ahead of us! He went to bed around midnight, and I was more than happy to turn most of the lights off and labour by myself in the cosy comfort of our home. Mostly I would rock. When a contraction started, I would lean on the bench with my forearms, hang my head and sway. When the contraction was over, I would lay down and close my eyes until the next one. I did this until 7 in the morning, when the contractions were around 5 minutes apart and becoming unbearably painful. I thought I must be getting close, as I really was in a lot of pain! So up bill jumped, packed me and the bags in the car, and we were off to the hospital. Once we go settled, the midwife did an internal and told me I was 3cm dilated. 3. CM. I cried. I became really scared. If it took this long and that amount of pain to get to a 3, what was I going to have to endure to reach a 10!? But with some encouragement from bill and a reminder of what we were going to get at the end, I soldiered on.

I tried labouring on the bed, on the ground, in the shower, in the bath, on the damn toilet, but nothing took the pain away. 4 hours later she checked me. I was at a 5. I lost it again. I just wanted to sleep! I wanted to go home to the brand new house we had built and made our home, with the little bassinet with the soft pink blanket beside our bed, and just try again another day. Unfortunately, that’s not how it works. I felt like I was in a dark hole full of nothing but pain and fear, and I couldn’t get myself out of it. Bill was amazing, he never left my side, and without him there I would have crumbled. When she checked me again around 4 hours later, I was at a 7. I was making progress but it was slooowww. Around 3 hours later, I went into transition. And anyone who has given birth knows that this is the most challenging, painful and scariest moment of labour. The contractions become so intense, so long with little to no rest in between. I honestly felt like I was being ripped apart from the inside out. It was awful. And I screamed. I had never felt more out of control of my body. With a normal contraction, it builds, it reaches a peak, and then it fades. And u go from huffing and puffing, moaning and groaning, to just standing there in no pain at all. It is strange, but that time in between gives you the time you need to get you ready for the next one. To remind yourself why you are doing this. To remind you that this is a normal process, and embrace it, not pull away and run from it. But during transition, you don’t have that time. It is one excruciating contraction after another. And it is HARD. Thankfully, it only lasts a short(ish) time, though it sure doesn’t feel like it at the time! With Chloe it lasted around an hour and a half. And then my ‘noises’ changed, and I started to feel pressure. And when the midwife checked me, she said the sweetest words in the world to a laboring woman, “You’re at a 10! Are you ready to meet your baby?” And boy was I ready!

It’s funny how most women who are expecting their first baby talk about how scared they are of the actual birth part. About ‘pushing a watermelon out of a pea hole’. And I was one of those women, I hadn’t really thought too much about the contraction part, but mostly about the pushing part. But once you finally get to that magic 10cm’s and get the urge to push, your body completely takes over. And you go from just enduring each contraction to actually focusing on pushing this babe out of your body and into your arms. Yes it still hurts, but it’s the best feeling in the world. I pushed for almost an hour with Chloe. I still remember looking down between my legs when her head was about half way out, and it looked like this little tennis ball with lots of dark hair! (Obviously that didn’t last long!) When her head was completely out, it took one last push and she was out and straight on to my chest. At 7.26pm on the 14^th of November 2006, our lives changed forever. It was the most beautiful, empowering, self-defining moment of my life. I didn’t cry, I just looked at this little person Bill and I had created, and had no words. She was so beautiful. 

She has always been such a happy baby, a smart and inquisitive little girl, and she is just blossoming. I’m so proud of the person she is turning in to. So gentle and kind, yet willing to stand up and fight for what she believes is right. People say we need to teach our children the ways of the world, but I am learning from her every day.